HOW TO BE CHARISMATIC

What Is Charisma?

Charisma is hard to define exactly, which is why, interestingly enough, many definitions will actually mention that it’s hard to define exactly. This is probably because there are so many kinds of people, with so different personalities that are commonly labelled as being charismatic. What do Gandhi and Oprah have in common? Not much, but they’re both considered highly charismatic. That’s just it with charisma: it’s not one trait, it is rather a label we use to describe a wide range of personality traits. Basically, anytime someone makes us feel warm and tingly inside on a consistent basis, we call that person “charismatic”. The critical thing all charismatic people have in common is a strong appeal to others which enables them to connect with others and influence them at a deep emotional level. For this reason, I think that knowing how to be charismatic is a noteworthy thing. 

HOW TO BE CHARISMATIC:

1. Talk about interesting things (for you and for others!) Does it seem trivial? Believe me, it is not. If I had a euro for every time I saw a man talk about things that did not interest his interlocutor, at this time I would be a millionaire. Let's take Mario (invented name). Mario is working as an engineer and in the last period, he is working on the project of his dreams: the construction of a large plant for the desalination of water. Mario is very surprised by this thing, his work likes and is satisfied with what he does: excellent! One evening he goes out and is out with friends, at one point he joins his group another group of people (friends of friends) and obviously comes out the usual question that you do when you know new people: " What do you do in your life? "Mario begins to tell about his work, and he starts in a 20-minute philippics about water desalination methods. His interlocutors send clear non-verbal signals of little interest, but Mario is so taken that he does not realize it, and eventually he bores them to death. Now, what I think of as a nice little show is something that happens and is not certainly a good example of charisma, indeed !!! Of course, because you can not talk about things that only interest you, obviously you can not even talk about things that only interest others, you have to find a meeting point (Mario as an engineer would call a "subset" (ps I have corrected in the comments, it is an "intersection")) between your interests and the interest of the people in front of you. If there had been anyone interested in damn water desalination Mario would have started talking to him, but he was not there and Mario did not see the non-verbal signals of those not interested. Now, you have to become a genius of non-verbal language reading to understand if you're bored death to others? No, you just notice other people and not be blinded by what you're talking about. A very easy and normal thing, but someone does not do it.

2. Create an interesting life To talk about interesting things, you obviously have to have a varied and interesting life. The topics of conversation do not come from the sky, they come from your life, from what you do, see, discover, read, come from your interests, experiences and passions. I ask you: in your life, there are some things that are worth to be told? I know, it can be a hard question, and if the answer is "no" I ask you: "What are you waiting to create a more interesting life? First of all you have to do it for yourself! "You do not need to be an astronaut who does free climbing in the weekend, in the evening attacks the whalers with WWF, and in the wasted time is the UN ambassador for refugees! of normal passions and interests.

3. Show charisma through your body language.

Your body language can say a lot about how you feel about yourself and can help you seem more approachable to others. The wrong body language can make you look shy or indecisive, so it's important to move in a way that shows you're confident, engaged, and alive. Here's how to do it: 

• A charismatic person stands tall and walks with steady, determined strides. They walk into a room of strangers with pride, ready to embrace a new opportunity. They also gesture with their hands instead of crossing them over their chest.

• Improve your posture. Nothing conveys confidence like good posture. Stand or sit up straight, but not rigidly. When you meet someone, give a firm handshake and look the other person in the eye. Display positive body language while you're talking to someone or even when you're just waiting around. Sit facing the person or people you're talking to, uncross your legs and arms, and keep your hands away from your face. Look at ease, and don't fidget or convey nervousness.

• Think about your own gestures. When you speak, does your body language back you up, or do you look nervous, uncaring, or bored? If you're passionate about something, do your gestures communicate this?

• Practice in a mirror. Watch yourself in the mirror and give a speech or even pretend to hold a conversation. What are your eyes doing? How about your hands? Do you look like the shifty politician or the charismatic one? Could someone know what emotion you're trying to convey even if they couldn't hear you? Practice regularly, and make note of what you need to improve.

• Mimic the body language of those you are conversing with, so that you can get closer to them in a non-verbal fashion. If someone is gesturing a lot, you can join in, while if a person is more reserved, you shouldn't gesture too wildly.

• Look people in the eye when you're talking to them. Don't stare them down, but don't glance around the room or look everywhere but at them. Engage them with your eyes, not just your voice. Don't check your phone, your watch, or look around for other people to talk to because you won't appear engaged.

• Watch how other people gesture. Notice how some speakers' gestures appear fake or out of sync with their message. These people come off looking shifty or uncertain as a result. Other speakers use body language exceptionally well. These are generally the more effective communicators and appear more trustworthy and competent. These people are often successful actors, religious leaders, and pundits. Look for good and bad examples of the use of body language. Pay attention, and learn.

• Smile genuinely when you greet someone. Your smile should say that you're excited about getting to know them.

4.  Fucking Relax!

Every charismatic person I’ve ever known or studied is very comfortable in social situations. They are able to relax around people and have chill interactions, or else they are able to fake it really, really well.

Now, I want to emphasize that this is rare: most people aren’t fully relaxed and themselves in most social interactions, with the exception of those with close friends and family. There is a certain degree of discomfort they feel in social interactions. Learn to get over that, and you send out a radically different vibe.